I've spent the better part of the last few days feeling vulnerable.? Death and funerals can, on occasion, to do that to me.?
Although I would say I'm an "old hat" at death and funerals (and I am), that doesn't mean that I am hardened to emotion and what a funeral represents.? What I do know is that after attending a funeral on Saturday I prefer the way I do things.? But tell me who doesn't prefer how they do things?? It is all about who we are and how we approach endings.
I've buried more than my share of loved ones...a mother, a sister, two in-laws.? I've attended the funerals of friends and extended family.? I know my way around death and I'm comfortable in funeral homes.? Comfort might sound like the inappropriate choice of word but it fits.? I am comfortable but I've worked to make that so.? There are times,? however, like this weekend when even going in to the funeral home I knew I wouldn't be "comfortable".? That has nothing to do with the people and everything to do with the place.
It's an older funeral home in the area of the city where I grew up.? It was one that was used by my family for a number of years and I've been inside enough to know what I know. While they have done some things to renovate and update, there is no question it is still probably the last one in this city to move with modern times.? It's dark and the organ music was "ghoulish".? Heavy burgundy curtains which are closed as the casket is being closed and opened again for the service to begin.? There is a need I suppose for the family to know that there is a finality about the death of their loved one.? But trust me, they know.? They don't need this fake act to bring the reality home.? They know. We know.? Everyone knows.??
I don't like "funerals" for the very fact of their somberness.? What I dislike about this particular place is the darkness and the quiet and the thick carpets and small rooms that make you feel, as you stand having a coffee and a sandwich and expressing your thoughts to the family or to others that you know at the reception, that you yourself are in a coffin.? It's confining and closed in and sad.? People who attend funerals are sad enough thank you very much.? Why add to that unnecessarily?
I like light and an open, airy feeling.? I like to feel that the love in the room can circulate and move about as if it's on wings.? I like to feel that the departed has space to be there with everyone, that the soul can breathe and flow and land where and when necessary to be the comfort to someone struggling.
I like laughter and joy.? I like to say more wonderful and often humorous things about the departed.? I like to see smiles and hear giggles, even if there are tears mixed in with the laughter.? I like to hear life.? I heard a baby early on in the service on Saturday.? It made me smile.? That yes, there is still new life to come as another life leaves this journey.
And it all made me feel vulnerable.? Because as Teflon coated as I am about death and dying, a funeral like the one I attended this weekend leaves me feeling "open" and naked.? It reminds me that I too am mortal and I, as with everyone else, have no idea about time and how much is left.? It reminds me that if I don't make my own arrangements and have written down what I would like and how I would like my final gathering, the last party I'll ever plan to be executed, then I might end up with something that would leave me feeling sad as I'm hovering over the proceedings.? True enough those who love me know what would make me happy and what wouldn't.? And I would like very much for those who love me to include some of the things about me that mean something to them.? But I know this.
There will be no magic curtain act.? There will be no minister that I do not know speaking words about me.? There will be no organ music.? Flowers are nice but unnecessary.? I'd rather the money be spent in a way that would make others' lives richer.? People that I don't know but who would benefit from the kindness of those who know me.? There will be light and plenty of it.? There will be laughter and joy.? There is still plenty of respect in having laughter at a funeral/remembrance/memorial.
I would like the people who know me and love me to miss me and the time we have had together.? I don't want any of them to feel vulnerable after I take my final bow and the sun sets on what a ride this has been.
Source: http://sherrysmyth.blogspot.com/2013/01/free-stock-image-altered-and-texturized.html
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